It was a sunny day with a few clouds... nothing spectacular, but somehow I had a strange feeling about it. "Use the sun, Zhana" Ive told myself... "U need some Vitamine D..." So I was retrowalking... and thinking.
What have I reached in the past few years? Where have I been, where did I want to go, and where did I arrive? Thinking of my past, I was analyzing my behaviour.
Did I grow? Yes, I did somehow, but not enough.
Walking backwards refreshed my point of view. I am always rushing somewhere, always on the run, never looking back... I thought it could help me to avoid feelings I had, but I was wrong. We cant move on in a better direction if we dont learn by our mistakes and take a few moments to rest.
Now I am walking several weeks, almost every day backwards and the more I am walking, I'm realizing my mistakes... Looking at myself I see I dont talk anylonger that much, I do more, but for my inner peace. My energy is different.
As I was walking backwards Ive turned to walk regular and saw I can run faster, but Ive decided to change my direction again...Why do I do this?- To recognize the small things better...
Suddenly Ive stopped... A green lizard was running over my feet... He was pretty fast, but Ive felt his movement on my shoes. I was amazed. He was sparkling greenish and with some yellow dots. This little greenish lizard made my day, my thoughts were running wild. So Ive scribbled him afterwards. Not caring much of how it would look like, Ive just wanted to safe this moment. And I did.
In the past I had a lot of awesome moments, which r giving me the energy to live in this one and hopefully in all. Everyday I am trying to collect one more, just in case of a disaster ...or just to give somebody else a smile without any reason. It is not like I wasnt doing this before, but now I feel it "more".
Like this little green lizard I want to give anybody who is passing my way a sparkling smile.
My brain is changing the direction, and I am giving myself time and space to re-think about my goals and my way...